The Secret Life of a Female Porn Addict By ZsaZsa Palagyi The 700 Club

CBN.com – “It [an addiction to pornography] was an
excitement that captured me like nothing else could
capture me. When I made love to my husband for
the first time, it was that kind of excitement. But
this was even a more heightened excitement than
that because it stirred up something I didn’t know was inside of me,” says Joean Senatore. Joean was
a happily married 40-year-old mother
when she discovered a new passion —
pornography.

Her cable service had just been upgraded. As Joean flipped through the new channels, she found something that both shocked and excited her. “That
was like opening up a door to hell. I opened
this door to darkness and debauchery. All of these
demons came in,” she reveals. Joean started buying porn videos at pawn shops
and went to great lengths to hide her addiction.

Every time she bought a video, she peeled off the
label and hid it under the front seat of her car. After
her family went to bed, Joean watched the video.
The next day, she put it in a brown paper bag and buried it in the trash at work. “It was a secret sin that had me, and I couldn’t
shake it loose,” she recalls. “It had me by the throat
because it had me at the very heart. It was taking
over my life, and it was snuffing out the life of Christ
in me. It choked the Word and prayer out of my life.”

Koran was a devoted Christian and often spoke to large groups about her faith, but even she wasn’t
immune to the pull of pornography. Living two lives
ultimately cost Joean her joy. “I was a hypocrite,”
she admits. “Here I was living
for Christ on one hand, and living to love these
movies, these videos, the Internet, anything that I could get my hands on. Anything that had to do with
pornography I was drawn to. How could I justify it? I
couldn’t.” Joean ended up at an adult store she had never
been to before and discovered an orgy. When
someone asked her to join in, she knew her
addiction had gone too far. “I knew at that point I
was at the lowest,” Joean
explains. “I was dying piece by piece, inch by inch. I was dying.”

In desperation Joean prayed, “God,
deliver me or
take me home because I cannot live this any more.”
Joean knew there was only one way out. “I wanted
to please my Lord,” she says. “I loved
God more than I loved the addiction, and because my love for God was so much stronger, I could
reach my hands up to my Abba Father and say,
‘Pick me up out of this situation because I love You
more. Whatever it takes, that’s what I need to do.’ ”

Joean’s first step was to share her secret with her
husband and her pastor. Both responded with love, forgiveness, and compassion. “Once I knew that the
sin was out in the open and I
was accountable, I felt better,” she says. “But it
wasn’t over.” Joean was still drawn in by the power
of
pornography and desperately needed a touch from God. She got it one day while watching The 700 Club.

“I
don’t know if Gordon said my name or if God
called my name, but I heard my name,” Joean
recalls. “And he said, ‘There’s a woman out there.
Her name is Joean, and she is being delivered from
a spirit of lust.’ I said, ‘Lord, that is me, God! That word is for me.’ I felt the deliverance at that
moment, and I felt the power of God enter that
room. I felt the Holy Spirit upon me. I knew God was
delivering me at that moment. I knew it.”

Today
Joean is completely free from pornography. She says her life has never been better. “The joy is
back, God’s
joy, the happiness that I
felt before,” she says.
“The pressure of sin is
gone and the darkness of the addiction is over. It has no negative power
over my life anymore. The sting of that memory is
gone.” And Joean gives all the credit to God. “There
was nothing in my hands I could bring. It was
only to the Cross I could cling because there was
nothing I could do in and of myself to deliver myself,”

Joean explains. “I know the power of God
to deliver, I know God is able, I know God is strong,
and I know He wants to deliver. That’s why, today, I
can sing the praises because I’ve been there. I went
through it, I struggled with it, I almost died because
of it, but now I’m free and I’m alive in Christ.”

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