THE IDIOT BEYONCÉ
Okay, let’s begin! This is going to turn out to be the most popular post of the century, and I, the infallible corrosive Sunday Erhun will become as popular as that Muslim cleric that eats toad for supper. Does any Muslim cleric do that? Google it! Don’t worry, Google is so dull it will give you nothing.
And if my English sucks, please do not slaughter me because I was born a very poor boy into a very rich home in the poorest area of the rich Nigeria. Not the Nigeria you know. Not the Nigeria Wikipedia gives you. I am talking( or writing) about the Nigeria that died the year 1914 when some British were busy wearing oversized trousers meddling in affairs of people that never concerned them. I didn’t say anything o. If I receive the white paper from ICC, I would be glad because I’d finally get a chance to be on CNN. What’s the full meaning of CNN?
We are here today in this arbitrary place called the Internet to talk about the biggest idiot on earth, and that idiot is nobody but Beyoncé. And if you never knew Beyoncé was an idiot, then you are a bigger idiot. I could be very insolent sometimes, but I am not a bad boy. Did I just refer to myself as a boy? That can be. I am a man. At least, the idiot Beyoncé attested to that sometime ago.
I met with Beyoncé before she met the big-headed ghost you guys and girls call her hubby. We met at the smallest hotel in Paris before Paris Hilton became popular. She was a tiny little girl then. She had dreams of visiting the Sun, but I well knew she would burn like the papers used in electing the Catholic Pope. Do they even elect their Pope? If they do, then they must be very funny like Mr Bean. If it’s truly a church, then God should choose. Did I say anything?
Looking at pretty Beyoncé then, I never thought she would become an idiot later in the future. But now that she is, I can’t help but write this post to mourn her. Fine! She is definitely richer than I am, and that’s just because I choose to live a life that please God than sell my soul to the dirty stinky devil all for the sake of some dollar notes that will definitely perish like Osama Bin Laden. Talking about that man, he is definitely less idiotic than Beyoncé.
The night we first met, I bought her a watery plate of meal with crabs dangling on it just like my fingers dangle on my mobile phone that I love with my pouch. She was so hungry, and I could see her ribs ripping out. She was so decent then, that my tons of love and care couldn’t part her legs. Jesus was the only one that mattered to her. We spent some time together, and she was very beautiful. I thought she would turn out to be the most successful woman on earth just like Hilary Clinton.
Several years later, she is the greatest failure the world has ever recorded. She thinks she is on top of the world, but she is sinking deep down to hell at the speed of light, or even at the speed more than that of light. All because she is an idiot!
She abandoned Jesus. She abandoned the good life. She abandoned the life that pleases God all for the pleasure of the world. She is a very big idiot. I hope she gets to read this post so she could cry to death.
This Idiot Beyoncé is a character I intend to use in the novel I intend to write in Heaven.
And if you ever at a time thought I was writing about the popular American singer Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, then you must be very funny.